Oh man I love beer so much. Soooo much. But above all other beers, the offerings from Great Divide are downright fucking perfect. They are so goddamn delicious I wish I could survive off of only drinking their beers. When I moved to Colorado they were some of the first local beers I tried, and because of them I’ve learned to appreciate good beer so much that the thought of drinking a Coors Light makes my uterus shrivel. Great Divide is great beer.

And oh hey, Beer Advocate agrees with me.

The only one of their beers to not get an A or B grade is their wheat beer but like who cares? Wheat beers are gross anyway.

And look at all these awards they have! But they don’t need any awards, for they have won MY HEART

The beers - Some of my favorites

DPA - The Denver Pale Ale is one of my all time favorite beers. If it’s on tap at a bar, that’s what I’m getting. It is the pale ale that I hold as standard and compare all other pale ales to.

Titan IPA - It’s all malty and smooth with a biting hoppy taste. One of my favorite things is to sit at Wyman’s with Andy and pound these babies.

Samurai Ale - Crisp and light and yummy rice beer. And I like yelling the name while I drink it: “SAMU-RAI!! HIIIIII-YAH!”

Saint Bridget’s Porter - This is the only porter I ever drink. Great Divide made a porter I like. AMAZING

And the most delicious, the impeccable, the beer Jesus himself would drink: The Espresso Oak Aged Yeti Stout. It isn’t offered all year round, but when it is oh my my my I could BATHE in it. Black as night and as sweet as love.

Great Divide loves me back

Not only do they brew the tastiest beers, they also organize some pretty sick events. Every month during the summer they have a beer and cheese pairing for $18. You get a plate of cheese and other yummy things, and each cheese is paired up with one of six beers.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

Also, earlier this month I attended their Anniversary Party, and oh man what a good time. It was $25 for all-you-can-drink (the Yeti made an appearance!!), they had brats and sides and bands playing. Paper Bird closed the event and fuckin’ A I love them so much. I was dancing with my friends to a song I requested, drinking an Espresso Yeti, and I was so happy I pretty much jizzed all over myself.

I fucking LOVE Great Divide. If they don’t have Great Divide at your local watering hole, reach across the bar and thump the bartender on top of his big fat head because he obviously hates his patrons.

Great Divide website: http://www.greatdivide.com/

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Denver-CO/Great-Divide-Brewing-Co/65369839606

Holy shit these guys are amazing. The Kids in the Hall is the greatest sketch comedy show, ever (Ok, Monty Python is up there, but I connected with KITH at the right age). It is irreverent, hilarious, absurd, and bizarre. How can you not just love these guys:

Lil’ background

I started watching KITH when it was on Comedy Central in the early 90’s (so I was like… 11? 12?). I loved how weird and funny the show was, and I developed crushes on all of the guys (well, except Kevin. Nobody likes Kevin). I had a few years where I didn’t think about the show that much, but when it was released on DVD I was able to experience it all over again. The DVDs also featured some sketches that didn’t make it on American television (is it not ok to say “photocopy my balls” here?).

The best sketches

My favorite sketch, ever. “The Salty Ham” sketch.

My favorite sketch as a kid: “The Pear Dream”

Ohh oh! Wait, I like this sketch too. “Daddy Drank”:

No no no… THIS one. Last one. “America”

The characters

Oh god the characters (all of these are links to the bestest sketches: they open in a new window)

The Chicken Lady, Gavin, Simon and Hecubus from the Pit of Ultimate Darkness, Cathy and Kathie, Danny Husk, Bauer, Bobby, Francesca Fiore, Mr. Heavyfoot, Darrill, Buddy Cole, and everyone’s favorite: the Headcrusher

There’s also a lot of other random sketches that stand out in my mind, like Becoming a Man, Lost and Found, Car Ride, My Pen!, Girl Drink Drunk, and the most surreal of them all: Sausages.

OH GOD THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD ONES

I try to forgive them…

For Brain Candy. Seriously guys, what the fuck happened. The greatest fault of the movie is that they didn’t use any of the characters we were familiar with: they were all new and mediocre at best. The movie was just awful and I really don’t want to think about it.

Also, season 5.

But they more than made up for it!

I got to see them a couple years ago. Live. AND I MET THEM.

For some fucking reason they were doing a show in Salt Lake City, and not Denver. I flew out the evening of the show, and Carly and I headed to Kingsbury Hall on the U of U campus. They started by showing footage of the guys talking about how they needed to perform new material for the fans. They bounced ideas around with little success, and finally Mark says, “Hey I know! Let’s rape Kevin!” They start chasing after him and the first notes of the theme song started playing: crowd goes apeshit. They all run out on stage chasing Kevin (who is now in his underwear).

The show of course was fucking hilarious: it was primarily new sketches with familiar characters, and man they nailed it. I had just had surgery* a few days before and I was afraid I was going to bust my stitches out, I was laughing so hard.

After the show about 40 people hung around the foyer of the auditorium. All of the guys came out for a meet and greet!! I was speechless. The culmination of over 15 years of fandom, all I could do was approach each of them in turn, smile broadly, hand my autograph paper over to them, and get a hug. Dave Foley said, “Wow, you have a beautiful smile!” and Bruce McCulloch kissed me on the cheek. I WILL NOT WASH THAT CHEEK NOT EVER

I fucking LOVE The Kids in the Hall.

*My surgery story has to be told in person. So if you buy me a beer, I will tell it to you.

I’m pretty horny for anything vinegar-y tasting, so it should come as no surprise that I fucking love Balsamic Vinegar. It is the Lord God over all other vinegars; it is a dark, sexy beast. Did you see there how I capitalized it? Yeah, that’s right. Balsamic Vinegar gets capitalized, much like Your Highness or Vagina.

Unnnggghhhhnnnnnhhhh

I discovered my love of Balsamic as a means of using it as a dipping sauce. It has made me consider bread (and a lot of other things) as simply a vehicle with which to deliver the sweet nectar. Balsamic is as diverse as fine wine, and the range in price reflects that. I haven’t gone above $25 for a bottle, but I’ll be goddammed if I don’t fantasize about drizzing $400 Balsamic into a dude’s navel and slurping it out.

So… how much do I love it?

- I go through about a bottle a month.

- I carry a little bottle of Balsamic Vinegar in my purse.

- I scan restaurant menus and am able to pick it out, much like finding the words “nipple” and “throbbing” when flipping through the pages of a romance novel.

- I DRINK IT.

- I… kinda want to rub it on my boobies.

What do I put it on?

BALSAMIC GOES ON EVERYTHING NO EXCEPTIONS

But here are my favorites:

It makes a great marinade for beef, chicken and lamb. You can incorporate some combination of olive oil, soy sauce, thyme, worcestershire, honey, garlic, and/or rosemary in with the Balsamic and let your meat swim in that shit.

Caprese salad: get yourself some high quality tomatoes, mozzarella, basil, and red onion. Now fucking drown them in Balsamic and some EVOO.

Speaking of cheese, try some little nobules of parmessean or other hard, dry cheese with some Balsamic. You’ll probably jizz yourself.

Ever tried Greek yogurt? No? Well you’re living a lie. My fave brand is Fage (it’s “fa-ye”, not “faggy” like I’ve been saying for years). Bowl of yog, add some honey and some mother fuckin juicy berries, then give that bad boy a nice money shot of Balsamic.

Balsamic for breakfast? Goddamn right: broil some sliced tomatoes, red onion, and some tender fuckin portabello mushrooms in some EVOO and cracked pepper (you use a peppermill, right? RIGHT FUCKO??). Now pile that shit on a plate and top with a poached egg*. NOW DOUSE IT WITH BALSAMIC AS IF IT WAS ON FIRE

I fucking LOVE Balsamic Vinegar.

————

*Here’s my method for the perfect poached egg:

- Carefully crack your egg into a ramekin or a little cup or some shit.

- In a saucepan, gently boil water and add 1-2 tablespoons of white vinegar (YEAAHHH MOAR VINEGAR).

- With your slotted spoon, stir the water so that you got a nice little whirl-pool going (this will cool the water slightly).

- Slip the egg into the middle, such that the swirling water keeps the egg white (mostly) intact.

- Keep a gentle boil going, and leave it the fuck alone for 3 minutes and then pull out your undoubtedly pefect poached egg.

I am fucking gay for Denver. It’s such a goddamn beautiful city full of awesome people and cool buildings. There’s so much fun shit to do it makes my head spin. Since I moved here I’ve been in a constant state of utter bliss, I swear to god sometimes it feels like my heart might explode out of my chest. I mean fuck, look at this gorgeous city:

At any given moment in Denver I’m working at my fucking awesome tech job, watching a sick concert at a sweet venue, drinking delicious craft beer, pulling some rad turns at a ski resort, riding my fucking awesome bike around the city, chilling in my gorgeous downtown apartment, watching some pretentious limited release art-fuck film, dancing my ass off at a club, hanging out with my goddamn wonderful friends, or hiking the fuck out of a beautiful trail.

This isn’t simply a matter of me being a subjective asshole: Denver is a highly rated city for healthy lifestyles, job prospects, young professional singles, well-being, and just being a great place to live in general. We’re the fucking Napa Valley of beer. We have lots and lots of safe sex. We drink a lot of booze but are really healthy. Denver is hands down the best place to live. http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2009/07/denver_the_manleist_drunkest_business-iest_happiest_safe-sex-having-ist_city_in_america.php

I fucking LOVE Denver.